This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
