guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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