i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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