Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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