Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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