alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
