i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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