Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
