Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Even my vagina gasped.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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