can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
