i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
