My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
