my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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