I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
