You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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