I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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