and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
