yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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