I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Damn victory sex feels great
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
