I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
