I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize