It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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