I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
