WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
