I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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