We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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