can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
