I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
