So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize