apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
