By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
