when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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