A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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