There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
