I didn't shave. On purpose
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
