I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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