when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Im part way to drunk.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
