if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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