What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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