i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
