Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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