the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize