I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it hurts more in the daytime
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
