ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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