turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
