I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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