I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize