Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
