She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
