i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
