3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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