She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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