Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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