So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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