dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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