i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
