I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
