Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
