These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
