Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
