we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
