I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
