She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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