meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
