Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
