Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You took a bar mat shot.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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