he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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