Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
