My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I wear drunk well.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
