$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
