Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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