Pappa wants mamma naked
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
