you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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