he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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